As Banker, Shepherd, Jamie and Eddie ready themselves to return to the hotel, Banker took a moment to place something in Jannisett's room.
It is odd to feel so tired after a day of trying to remember not to do any of the things that Art said I must not. When I came to my room in the Sorcerer, though, I stopped feeling tired. There was a package and a note on my bunk. They were from Banker. The note read:
"I am sorry that I led you into that situation the other night. I know it bothers you when you kill someone in self defense, but there is nothing I can do about it except say I am sorry and thanks for watching my back."
It was an apology, in writing. I had never had such a thing before. I tried to hear Banker's voice in my head saying those words, and then I put it away in Grey's box where I keep my special things.
Inside the package was a dress! I remember seeing it a window in Yellow Bacon; it had reminded me of one of the lovely "items" I had worn as a model. How wonderful to be given one to wear for my own "special occasions"! My favourite colours, too! Banker is a very observant person. All these people are so very kind. I do hope there will be a party to which I can wear it; no one seems to want to wear anything but jumpsuits ship-board. But dancing will have to wait until that whatever-it-is falls off my back; if Art won't allow katas, I'm sure he won't want me to dance yet.
But ... if my pretty dress is part of the apology...? We did not offer anything but words - where I came from. I should find out if a gift is an important part of an apology amongst other humans. Very few things we did back - on not-Home - seem to be the same amongst all these other people. I've noticed that, time and again, even in the "society that is the Sorcerer."
I went to find Banker. I am glad that he is willing to teach me when I ask.
Banker: "Why do you owe Medusa an apology? Well, let's start at the first part and get there later. You don't owe me any apology, you didn't do anything that I don't appreciate both the action and the outcome. Also, and this is important, you can't control everything or anyone. You should know that from your past. All you can do is try to stay out of bad situations as best you can and deal with the bad stuff as you have to. If you don't like hurting people, maybe you should just retire back into being a model on a nice planet someplace and get out of the revenge business. If you want to be a hero, then you have to get used to the idea that people are going to get hurt and that people are going to die. Sometimes it will be you doing the damage; sometimes it will be the bad guys. That's life, at least for some people. As long as you try not to hurt innocent people, then you should finish ahead of the game. Personally I have no difficulty with killing bad or evil folks; not that I do it much, mind you. But every killer you kill or put out of the killing business saves a lot of other people. You want to take down your old owners so they can't keep perpetrating their evil deeds, good for you. We all agree it should be done. If they are killed or otherwise disabled and can't continue their acts, is the act of stopping them bad? Not in my opinion."
Jannisett said slowly and thoughtfully, "You explain this view very well. I -- think that I agree with it. I would like to ensure that evil people cannot do evil and that innocents are not hurt. That would be a good job. But it -- does not explain -- enough. How -- ah, I do not know so many things. How does one know when one's opponent is evil?"
Banker: "Sometimes you know going in, sometimes you don't. Anyone attacking me or mine are defaulted to being 'bad guys'; they may or may not be evil but they deserve whatever happens to them. If they are trying to kill you, then killing them is a good default reaction. If they are trying to hurt you, for whatever reason - you will probably never know why in some cases, you hurt them first. The tricky part is when to use lethal force. I carry a stunner so I really don't have to worry too much about that. However, you seem to be lethal without trying too hard.
Unfortunately, if you don't try hard enough to stop people, you may really not like the results. You or a friend could easily end up hurt bad or even dead. That's one of the reasons that you should try to avoid fights whenever possible; there is usually little to gain and frequently a lot to lose. But a drunk in a bar may not let you walk away, and a bad guy with a gun isn't likely to let you go either. Do you risk losing initiative to try to reason with people who may not be reasonable? I don't know. I know I don't, but that's just me. If someone is messing with me or my friends, I figure they deserve what they bring upon themselves. I try to protect kids and innocents in situations where I can, but I have heard plenty of stories about kids killing adults to not just include all of them as 'innocents'. It's all a tough call; good judgment is important. And that comes with experience. If you live long enough to gain it, that is."
Jannisett smiled. "I would like to live long enough to gain this experience. It is hard to judge these things when one knows that one is viewed as evil and yet one does not believe one is so. There are so many perspectives from which one can look at another's actions that it becomes very -- confusing."
Banker: "Why do think you owe Medusa an apology? You have never met her and, if you are smart, you never will."
Jannisett: "I owe her an apology because I killed her friends. I did not think they were evil and I did not want to kill them; I want to tell her that. I am sure it was all a mistake -- somehow." Despite all the suggestions the crew had made to Jannisett, the blue girl still seemed baffled. "It was as if one of the Owners had sent assassins for Killian. They would have, of course, tried to attack his asims first. But -- I was protecting nobody. At least until the fight started. Then I tried to protect everyone. But one asim cannot do that, not with so many of you."
[GM Side note: Assassins don't try to kill bodyguards first they try to kill their target, then deal with the aftermath or just run.]Banker: "You and your damned owners. I know they are your previous experience, but I really don't give a damn about what they would do or you would have been forced to do for them. You are your own person now. You are not an asim or a protector or a bodyguard or an assassin. You are a confused young lady in a confusing mess. Medusa's friends got themselves killed by attacking you with little to no provocation. The responsibility for their deaths may - or may not - be yours. But the fault definitely lies squarely on the heads of the ladies who attacked you. If you owe Medusa anything, and I don't think you do, it would maybe be an explanation. Send the woman a condolence card if you think you have to. But if I were in your situation, I would just move on and try to leave the troubles behind."
[ S: Actually, I considered what Jannisett said to be sortof a shorthand. Attacking asims is a stage at which an opposing Owner would be "testing the waters" and "hunting for weak points" in a corporate takeover. A form of rattling the cage or shaking the box. Of course a real assassin simply goes for the jugular.]
Jannisett nodded. "An explanation is all I really want. I appreciate your advice very much. If I could just move on, I would. But Jamie and Eddie think that that would make difficulties for Grey and for us in the future. So I will hope that an explanation is all that is necessary. If Medusa is a good leader, she may be calm enough and wise enough to see that."
"Banker's Apology" copyright 2004 M.Kennedy & S. Knowles. The contents of this site are copyright 2004 Sheryl A. Knowles unless otherwise specified. All rights reserved.