Day 7: After Church
Lorraine, Anton, Calais and, oh yes, Paris, left the church. Lorraine continued to chat gaily with the two boys, guiding everyone over to a carriage and horse with driver. Paris hadn't noticed the driver before, but he was armed and had the device of Lord Gryphon on his chest. There was room for two in the carriage, and it became Paris and Lorraine, much to the disappointment of Anton and Calais. Paris had to insist several times that it was fine, she would walk back.
Lorraine chatted happily about the people she had just met, wanting to know about them all; Claire and Genelle as well as Anton and Calais. At other times they just sat quietly and looked out as the sights went by; the main street in particular was fascinating, as a wide variety of kinds of people were out wandering about.
Paris told of her Jouet friends' backgrounds and mentioned their shining parts in the adventures of the previous month. She, after all, had heard Anton's verses and knew how he has held each of the others "up to the light". And she's got a darn good memory for a fighter. :-)
Paris finally decided the time was right to bring up a touchy subject. "Lorraine, I know I asked you -- to give my regards to all of our classmates. They've been so good to me this week. And I wish I could thank them all personally, but that is just not to be. Still ..." she hesitated just a moment. "Can you be extra nice to Ewen for me? I'm afraid that he -- was -- starting to be -- um, somewhat -- 'interested' in -- me. (She had picked up on the fact that she used to mean something very different with the word "interest" than Lorraine does. :-) And I -- there has been so much to learn -- so little time -- I - I think I have offended him or hurt his feelings and -- there is no time left to -- ask his pardon and straighten things out. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, not Rodric, not Ewen, not -- anyone."
Lorraine's eyes twinkled, and she could hardly contain half a smile. "Starting?" she laughed. "Cordelia quizzed me all day the second day you were here about you. Seems her brother Rodric was trying to help out a certain friend of his find out whether you were attached, and what you might have thought about that certain friend. Who also kept Rodric up so late talking last night about how dancing with you 'felt like fencing with a supple steel blade.' Boys. Dad ought to teach them some poetry." She looked critically at Paris. "No, you sure didn't offend him last night. Which means you're going to offend him next time you see him, doesn't it? So, what happened last night? Besides the dancing."
"I -- didn't offend? But I will?" Paris' voice sounded completely bewildered. "I guess I really don't understand what happened last night. 'Supple steel blade' sounds like poetry to me. It's lovely." She choked a bit and the next words were almost whispered. "Too lovely for me." Paris gathered her thoughts. "I -- You and Ewen have been the most genuinely nice people I've ever met. I - I must have been blind not to see that Ewen was -- getting 'interested'. But -- I thought -- if I thought at all," Paris sounded frustrated with herself, "that you and he were just good strong people who - who didn't mind being seen being nice to someone as new and strange as I am. I -- liked -- making you as friends. It -- made me feel -- less out of place. I -- did not realize that -- it meant I was putting myself forward, that.." Paris ran out of words. "Oh, Lorraine, he kissed me. I - I didn't think anything like that could happen to me in the palace. I -- have been so stupid."
Paris looked at Lorraine. "I -- understand now -- that the Prince had me come to the palace because he needs me to know what his knights know. I have not asked his reasons. My part is to do as he wills. But I know that that means that, body and mind, I belong to my Order. 'As long as I live,' he said. To do that, I should keep my loyalties unclouded." Paris' voice took on a strangled note as her conscience smote her once again. "How could I do that if I let myself be 'interested' in a boy, no matter how nice?"
"I don't want to hurt anyone! But I -- am -- afraid. As Jules has reminded me, I am a peasant; and I know Ewen is a lord. I cannot submit, therefore how can I do otherwise than hurt and offend -- someone I thought of as my friend?" Paris struggled very hard to keep from tearing up. She failed. She really hadn't gotten much sleep the night before.
Lorraine watched attentively as Paris spoke, concerned in parts, confused in parts, nodding periodically to get her to continue. She passed her a handkerchief, a lacy thing perfumed, with an ornate "L" embroidered on it, with a gryphon opposite. She didn't even flinch when Paris blew her nose with a great peasant-like honk. "Paris," she finally said, shaking her head, "if I were in your shoes I'd be terrified, not just afraid. About being the first woman knight. About the orcs and everything else. But not about Ewen." Again she looked at Paris appraisingly. "So he kissed you. Don't tell me it was your first kiss?" Her eyes opened as she looked at Paris' face. "It was! And Ewen's not the type to grab a kiss on the dance floor, so... he and you stepped out in the garden for a breath of cool air between dances." She smiled slightly. "All you had to do is not go out to the garden. We girls aren't allowed to turn down dances, but we get our choice of who to go out with. Paris, I don't know if that Baron of yours practiced all that 'right of the ruler' crap, but it won't happen here. The boys all know that you are going to be made a knight, and soon be their equal; and dad would pound whoever tried to make you 'submit' now into a small wet spot on the pavement." She grinned. "Not that you couldn't. But I think you wouldn't." A little more sadly, she shook her head. "And Ewen wouldn't do that anyway. He is a nice boy."
Lorraine leaned back. "He was so elated last night, you couldn't have told him how you felt, about not having time for boys while you are dedicated to your order. Are you sure about that, by the way? Doesn't seem human to me. Anyway, that's why I said you hadn't offended him." She looked at Paris with an unconscious gesture that reminded her of Lady Gryphon, "And 'offend' was your word. But I know you a little bit now, and the next time you had a chance to talk to him you'd tell him this same thing you told me. That would deflate him."
"Phew," Lorraine said, letting out a deep breath. "So what do you want to do? I don't think you want to 'burn your bridges behind you,' to use one of dad's favorite sayings. Do you? 'Cause I could always just pass on that you weren't interested." Again, she studied Paris' reaction.
Paris' expression wavered, puzzled, uncertain. She really didn't know what the Order expected. Had she been holding herself to impossibly rigid standards?
"No, I didn't think so," Lorraine smiled. "Tell you what. You talk to that Prince next time you see him about these order rules, find out if you have to give up boys entirely. I can't believe that. I'll pass the word back to Ewen that you are nervous about only being a peasant to his lord, and he should wait until you're knighted. Then, you just turn him down if he asks you to go out for some fresh air. He won't be hurt by that, unless you start going out with some other boy." She frowned a little. "I better warn you though. There're a couple of the other girls who probably are interested in him. Ewen's a nice boy, but even nice boys want to be with someone who'll kiss them." She sighs. "I'm just trying to warn you that you might lose his interest. But, if you handle it right, you won't lose him as a friend."
Paris' voice was low. "I very much want to keep Ewen's friendship. He - he has had a very special place in my experiences of this week. I - I -- just don't know that I want -- more. I -- need time. I -- he - he scarcely knows me. If - if some other girl is the right one for him, then - then it is very right that he lose interest in me. And you are right; I don't know what the Order really expects. I -- shall hope to find time for -- the Prince to tell me -- what he expects in his -- soldiers."
"I -- thank you for telling me about -- going out into the garden. I will be more prudent henceforth. It is -- right to -- want -- kisses freely given. I -- would not want -- to kiss -- and not mean it." Paris was blushing heavily by this time.
"Oh, phooey," Lorraine said, but her face was serious. "Kissing is one of the ways you find out whether or not he is the right one for you. It's how you find out if you mean it. If he means it." There was a small pause as she looked out into the distance. "I still remember my first kiss," she said softly. She smiled, glancing out the window at the approaching castle. "Did your mom ever tell you when you were a little girl the story about the Prince that was turned into a frog? How he was trapped in that form until finally he found a beautiful young maiden who screwed up her courage and kissed him, so he changed back?" The carriage rolled to a stop so Paris could get out. "One of the older girls clued me in on what that story really meant, back when I first started dancing." She looked seriously at Paris. "You have to kiss a lot of toads to find your Prince," she said smiling.
Paris could not help smiling back although she was not completely confident that Lorraine's approach to life could work for Paris. Softly, "There is no way I will ever think of Ewen as a toad. He is the most gentlemanly boy I have ever spent time with -- and he'll make a darn good knight and an intelligent warrior. I'm pretty sure of that. One of the best your father turns out." The confused look crossed her face for a moment. She added softer yet, "I just wish I knew what I really wanted in a kiss."
"I'll talk to Ewen. And you take care of yourself, Paris." A sudden look of seriousness froze on Lorraine's face. "A lot of us girls are counting on you. Go," she told the driver, and Paris thought she saw a shine of incipient tears in her eyes.
Paris watched the carriage draw in through the palace gate. Why had Lorraine said that? Not because of Ewen. That was clear. Because -- of why Paris had come to them in the first place? Lorraine was not the wool brain she pretended to be at times. No. Lorraine -- and some of the other girls -- really wanted Paris to become a knight. Hope and sadness welled up together and became a wordless prayer that Paris could not bring herself to define. She turned and began the walk back to Jouet Square.
Well, she _thought_ of him as a friend. I don't know but, given time, she could come to think of him in other ways -- if he ends up meeting her ideals. She just does not know him very well. What she really wants at this point in her life is to be the Prince's soldier.
Paris was definitely shocked when she figured out it had all been an act by Lorraine to punish Lady Chivar for discourtesy to Paris (more or less). And the language Lorraine used! Made Paris realize that, really, lords (and ladies) were closer to peasant villagers than she had earlier believed. :-)
Paris figured it out during that conversation with Lorraine. Lorraine wasn't hiding the facts at all. Clearly she thought Paris knew that she'd put on an act. Definitely shocked Paris -- but Lorraine was so obviously upset, that Paris put her shock aside to try and console her friend. (Incredible that a girl like Lorraine would go through all the trouble she had -- dressing Paris all week, seeing her through the Cleaning the Stables set-up, and now deliberately insulting a lady-of-quality -- all for Paris. Paris feels grateful and incredibly lucky to have gotten such a friend. A gift from God, given that there was nothing Paris had done to earn such loyalty. )
Yes, Sheryl realizes that there is a possibility that Lorraine still thinks that Paris is of "interest" to the Prince -- although, by her standards, I'd think, and definitely by Paris' standards -- William has given no indication of any such inclination. And so it is a good political move to cultivate Paris. But Lorraine's just not coming over as that insincere. In some sense Lorraine has come to be in Paris' mind, the sort of friend Genelle had been. Someone to be a girl with, someone to talk over common interests. (Paris' definition, not Lorraine's :-)
GM: What, Paris has more interests than boys? :) Which is not entirely fair to Lorraine. In fact, I'll let you in on her motivation for being a friend to Paris; it has to do with the fact that Lorraine is far more like her mother than she would like to admit. Her dad has agreed to make Paris a knight, and he hasn't failed yet. So, Paris is going to be the first female knight in... ever as far as Lorraine is concerned. She would love to be able to choose between roles; she might still choose the life of a court lady, but a chance to be able to go off adventuring if that was what she wanted.... If she can't have that chance, she'd like her daughter to have that chance.
"He Kissed Me" copyright 1999 P.Shea & S.Knowles. The contents of this site are copyright 2004 Sheryl A. Knowles unless otherwise specified. All rights reserved.