Chantal & Robert.
Chantal has left the party and taken up an observation post on the beach. She is followed out by Robert.
Robert: "Hey, soft music, moonlight, an empty beach .. Why not?!"
For a moment, Chantal flashes Robert a brilliant smile - it would seem that something in his suggestion delighted her - and then a touch of wariness sets in and she replies, in her French-accented English, "But yes. If we play the romantics, 'twill cause no comment if we are watching something other than the moonlight. I would like your company. Perhaps we can talk, no?"
They kiss; Chantal, tentatively; Robert not aggressively but with some assurance.
Robert: [Makes sure the field of view is good watching the huts] Guardedly "All right..." Whispers, "I've got the huts, keep an eye on the approaches."
Chantal: [with a bit of uncertainty but matching his whisper] "Mais oui. I am watching. But - I could but wish we - zhe team, that is - had a plan for zhis watching."[She sighs slightly.] [She tries to keep her voice to a whispery murmur for the entire attempt at conversation] "But I did want to talk with you sometime. Zhis may be zhe best time. I wish to be fair so, please, let us not kiss again unless we must. I need to be able to think." The two are now sitting, each facing a relatively opposite direction, but giving a general impression of intimate conversation that can move into a full embrace with almost no effort at all - but they are not embracing.
Robert: [Nod]
Chantal: "Rhohber - please tell me, does it bother you that I am - um - associated with Chevron?"
Robert: [Low voice, but not a whisper] "It worries me. Chevron keeps an eye on you, and could easily find me that way. We got lucky on Mars."
Chantal: "I think it is not Chevron that watches me; it is my father. It is not zhe same thing, I think. But - did you not worry that I would, as they say, 'turn you in'?"
Robert: "Of course. I hoped you would ask me about it before you did, but I was ready to run again if I had to."
Chantal: [In some surprise] "Did you so trust me already?"
Robert: "I hoped I could. We had a job to do, and it was important, so I thought that might count for something too."
Chantal: [neutral tone] "Oh, of course."
Robert: [quickly] "It wasn't just the job. I knew you somewhat already, and I thought that would get me enough time to explain, and then no one asked, so I thought it didn't matter to anyone."
Chantal: [simply] "It matters to me. I am guilty of letting you think it did not. But, when you told us what you did about Jacques - warning us - and giving as proof - so bitter, it sounded - your training before you joined us, then I knew it mattered more than I wanted it to. This training --- I presumed, but now I will ask: Chevron so trained you?"
Robert: "Probably, but it may just have been some kind of independent contracting out. Their deniability was better if I didn't know, but putting it together later, it seems likely that Chevron was only a step or two away from me."
Chantal: "So - you were not first a chemist for Chevron and then "recruited?" That was my guess; I have not asked to see your dossier."
Robert: "I wasn't exactly working in the legitimate economy when I was recruited. It seemed like a good idea at the time, since I would get training and support, and I thought it would be safer than working solo."
Chantal: [shivers a little] "You tried to do this - work - on your own? You are a brave man, I think. [A pause while she regroups her thoughts.] Then you became a chemist afterwards? At Chevron? Or at Dow?"
Robert: "They taught me enough chemistry to be a plausible chemist. I've never really worked as a productive ChemE."
Chantal: "You make the most of your skills then. I am impressed. We - zhe team - seem to depend upon you as though you are a professional in zhat field. And others. So - did - Chevron - or whomever - 'take you up' because of your skills 'outside zhe legitimate economy', do you think? And zhen trained you to - be even better at such things?"
Robert: "That's how I had it figured. You understand this became obvious only over time, since they never came out and told me who they were."
/* Ooo! Plot idea! If the guys who recruited Robert and sold his services to Chevron were really working for Dow Chemical... */
Chantal: [slight pause] "I did try to ask about your experiences with Chevron, but none of zhe others seemed to worry when you did not really answer. I thought, perhaps, they know something I do not. And so I wait to find zhe good time to ask again. But always there is 'zhe job' or - or - many others around. If - if I am to make you angry, I would not do so with others around. Zhe risks we have already run together are worth that consideration, I think."
Robert: [in excellent Japanese] "Would you be more comfortable in Japanese?"
Chantal: [in English] "You are very thoughtful, mon ami, thank-you. Perhaps my linguistic skills slip somewhat when I am - anxious. I apologize."
Robert: [in English] "No apology necessary. I only wanted to offer to make you more at home."
[Chantal giggles!]
Chantal: "And home is a place my friends helped me to escape from." [She is obviously teasing but sobers quickly.]
Robert: [smile]
Chantal: "But ... Japanese is not zhe language for a 'romantic interlude' I think. Particularly if we must pretend; it gives too much away. [She smiles.] And - though I think we are safe from being overheard - zhe cadence of Japanese is enough different. Your - unadvertised - skill in it might somehow prove an 'ace in the hole', n'est pas?"
Robert: "Perhaps I should learn French, although I don't know how I'd find time. French is a much better language for romance."
Chantal: "French I can teach, if you wish. It is my language of home, my mother's language. But I - I do not mean to impose romance on you. It is just that Japanese is so - so - ah, it imposes judgements of it's own. You know!" [That last is said with an emphasis that acknowledges his mastery of her native language.]
[Robert would understand that the very form of Japanese that they would speak would tell volumes about the relationship and status between the two speakers. There would be no way to prevent it from doing so unless they spoke only the formal form which gets taught to "gai-jin" ... and that in itself would belie the image they must be trying to maintain.]
Robert: "Of course. I would love to learn French from you if we can find the time, [grins] but I have been enjoying the swimming lessons."
Chantal: [dimpling] "So-o-o - we do not always swim. When we relax, perhaps then we can practise French? You have, I know, a talent for languages. You would learn quickly, I think, n'est pas?"
Robert: "Properly motivated, I learn quickly. In other circumstances it might take a very long time." [mischievous grin]
Chantal: [mock sterness] "Oui. I have noticed that you are easily distracted. Or, perhaps, the distraction was all you really wanted? [She smiles.] I do not mind, mon ami. I know that my handsome parents combined their genes to make my pretty packaging. I have mirrors and I cannot help being happy that nature was good to me. But --- there is much more I want to do in life than be ornamental. [Softly] You are a distraction in yourself, you know. We have slipped away from talking about what happened."
Robert: "Ah! But distraction is the better part of valour after all... Ok. I just don't like to talk about things like this. Too many people want me dead, so I am pretty paranoid. That rolls over onto people I want to trust, too."
[Chantal shrugs in acceptance/resignation.]
Chantal: "Then I am asking a great deal of you. And I have nothing to offer in return. I want to know these things for myself alone - because I - must not live pretending I do not know anything. I will not betray you; it was almost too late for that when I first began to wonder. I do not judge you. But I must judge myself - and only zhe truth will allow me to do that."
Robert: "It's not that -- What I mean is ... I haven't been able to trust anyone for a long time now. I'm not sure I remember how. [looking uncomfortable] They train you and train you to watch everyone, never break cover, never tell anyone anything who doesn't 'need to know.' How do you learn about being human again?"
Chantal: "It may be like learning zhe diffarahnce between 'Miss Ishida' and Chantal, perhaps? 'Miss Ishida' is something the tabloids create, something else, perhaps, that my parents want to create. And it can be great fun or great annoyance to play 'Miss Ishida.' But that is not Chantal, I think. It takes time to learn who zhe person is ... and [uncertainly] I do not yet know myself. [wistfully] I had thought --- but, no, it is hard to find such time, mon ami. And 'Miss Ishida' jumps out even when I think her left far behind, even when I think I am with friends. It is not so - so - dangerous - a life as that you have had; but there is that much a similarity, I think, no?"
Robert: "Yes. The person you want to be, or think you want to be, gets swallowed by someone you used to be, or what other people think you are."
Chantal: "[slowly] One must make zhe time, I think."
Robert: "We have picked a career which leaves us little time to be who we want to be."
Chantal: [pause] "I do not think that all people take the time to 'become human.' Zhe training, it makes it harder, yes. But - who does zhe Aussie actor trust, do you suppose? Who does zhe Dupont trust? Who does zhe hotel manager trust? Only they know, I think, and only if they have taken zhe time to think about it and taken zhe risk - to trust."
Robert: "Sometimes you find you trust someone without thinking about it. [looks directly at her, then goes back to watching the hut/beach] The manager can still be hurt by those he trusts, but I doubt he faces death as we have. Trust is a different kind of risk for him."
Chantal: "Humans are, perhaps, born with a great capacity for trust. That is zhe heart speaking. And each time it trusts wrongly, it feels betrayed, and a little part dies, I think. This is true for all people, I think. [looks at him for a long moment] And so all people build walls: I, 'Miss Ishida'; you, perhaps, 'zhe trained operative.' You are no doubt right: zhe trained operative will keep you alive in zhe face of zhe physical risks and will warn you not to trust. And I think, mon ami, that you know zhe cost to zhe heart. [She lifts a hand to touch his face gently so that he will look at her for the next sentence.] But my heart, my honour, it needs to have at least a little of your trust for me to work well with zhe team. [She goes back to proper scanning.] I need this, but you do not and I can not blame you if - if zhe training wins. Sometimes my training wins and I pay zhe price so I know. I will feel for you much sympathy if that is zhe path you choose.
[There's a long pause as he considers his response...]
Robert: "I want to find a way to trust, but it's not that simple. I trust you within the context of the job, since we couldn't function without some trust. I am trusting you with some of my past, which is hard for me, but is still easier than trusting you with the deeper parts of me I rarely let myself see."
[He's going somewhere here, but there is another pause]
Chantal pales a little - which may not be apparent in the night - and her voice is not quite steady as she speaks, slowly, feeling her way along. "I - see. Zhe trust I am asking for cuts - deeper - perhaps than I had thought. Rhohber, I - I do not know if my position will make any sense to you. You have, I think, been alone a very long time. [ slight pause] I - I have a family, however much it looks like I run away from them. And a family history that runs back to zhe samurai. I do love them - honour them - though my father would not believe that, were he to hear. And zhe next time he catches me --- there will be a next time: only death would keep him from it, I know --- or zhe time after that --- whenever, he will quiz me. [Quickly, with assurance.] No, do not fear, I would not betray us to even my father. But - I do not want him to wave your dossier in my face when I do not know your side of what happened. My father would see if I was uncertain in what I do - even if he does not know what that is. [ There is a now a layer of steel in her voice that Robert may never have heard before.] I do not wish to be uncertain before him, though I would not tell him why."
"So-o-o. I would know of your past for that alone. For, without that knowledge, the surety that I will one day face my father in uncertainty will, sooner or later, destroy my ability to work with zhe team. This is a double layer of trust then, no? To share what is difficile for zhe sake of teamwork?"
"But - if it must reach into our deeper selves.... Mon dieu, mon ami, how much more of me would you know? I - I am sometimes afraid when I think of you. But - but [another flash of emotion] I will always honour your trust. [Slowly.] There is a level of trust that most of us dream about. As you say, few people ever face trust on that level - where life, and soul, and honour lie in another's hand. It - might be - that ours - is one of zhe few - careers - where zhe existance of such a trust can be...." [her voice trails off.]
Robert: "Have I asked you any question tonight? I don't say these things so I can question you more deeply. I try to answer the questions I think you ask me. I don't wish to give you superficial answers."
Chantal: [Completely abashed.] "Non. You have asked me no questions. It is I who started this; I who have done all zhe asking; I who wish you to tell me - about - some part of - your soul. I have zhe affrontary; you have been all caution. I ask your forgiveness. But - I - I should not ask of you what I am unwilling to give in return. How can I ask for your trust and be unwilling to trust you? Why should you tell me what I need to know if you do not feel you can trust me? Non. It makes no sense. I would be destroying zhe relationship I claim to be trying to preserve, were it true. This is not my way."
Robert: "It's not so much an issue of trust, and I'm not sure how much it was ever lack of trust rather than habitual secrecy. I don't know how to answer you because I don't know the answers. I'm trying to work them out, but it's not easy, especially for someone so used to concealing things, even from himself."
Chantal: "So I try to see what there is worthwhile in the person I really am - while you, perhaps, unbury the person imprisoned under zhe training. I think we are not so different, mon ami. If - if a friend can help - and you want that - I would be happy to help ... ah! I am not saying this right. [She touches his face again, letting the touch register for a long moment.] Sometimes just being is best."
Robert doesn't react to the touch. His eyes are open, but aren't seeing outward. He says nothing. Chantal quietly withdraws her hand. She resumes her watch, careful not to disturb her companion. Now and then she glances at him, but he is completely lost in his own thoughts. After a while he starts speaking in a low voice - almost to himself at first. Chantal listens attentively.
Robert: "I started running with a gang when I was 12. Before that I guess I had been a pretty ordinary kid, but when my father took off I got kind of wild. I had a few run-ins with the authorities, for minor stuff like curfew violations and shoplifting, but I was 17 the first time I did my first break-in. By 19 I'd come close a couple of times, but hadn't yet been caught, and I'd turned into a pretty good second story man."
"I was going to school because I liked it, but my grades were lousy because I didn't spend much time studying. I didn't really focus on anything because most of it wasn't relevant to what I was really doing. I guess a few electronics courses were useful, and I took a little introductory chemistry, but nothing else mattered that much, so I forgot it soon after I learned it."
"I quit school at 21 or 22 and concentrated on burglary. I'd gotten pretty good with security systems, and places with good alarms were usually more worth stealing from, so I stuck to the better neighborhoods. I made a good living for a few years, and then got caught. I'd never been violent, and as far as they knew it was my first offense. I'd been careful about how I spent my money, so they had a hard time claiming I was a career criminal. I got 4 years, and was out in less than 3."
"I didn't try very hard to go straight. There aren't that many jobs for a guy with a record and no skills and I knew it. I had to stay clean for the first year while the police were keeping an eye on me, and I ended up cleaning up in a warehouse. It wasn't much money, the hours were bad, and the work was boring, but with some help from the government -- they wanted me to become a 'productive member of society' -- I got by."
Chantal: [ Muttering. ] "Whatever happened to job training? How do governments expect people to get 'productive skills'?"
[Her mood is such that it may be apparent that she is not as innocent of this sort of story as her 'rich girl' background might lead one to expect. There is no condemnation in Chantal's tone unless it is some bitterness directed at "government" and "agencies". Much of the tension that has characterized Chantal in the preceding conversations seems to be draining away as Robert speaks. She seems very accepting of his self-descriptions now.
Robert might wonder a bit why someone with her background might feel that way... but he doesn't seem the curious type. :-) ]
Robert: "Once I was off probation, I went back to work. It was harder the second time. I didn't know as many people, and I wasn't a teenager any more. Aches and sprains started cutting down on my productive time. Security had changed, so I stayed away from the fancy places."
"Then this guy found me and told me he wanted me to work for him. He had some things he thought I could do, and he'd train me for them. Industrial espionage didn't sound that bad, and he was going to put me in classes to learn more chemistry, which sounded better. Chemistry was more interesting the second time around, and he gave me a new identity. He sent me into Dow as part of a team to get information on a new process they were working on, and anything else I could come up with. After 6 months, I was deep enough inside to start seeing some important stuff, or so I thought. I guess Jacques saw what was coming, since he had his 'accident' before it went bad. I think I was the only other survivor from that operation."
Chantal: [ Frowns. ] "Are you saying that an entire team of Dow chemists died because of some corporate project?!"
Robert: "I wouldn't say they were Dow or Chemists. They were a team designed to get some commercial secrets out of a competitor."
[ Robert could be wrong about the others being dead. I just figured this seemed to work.]
Chantal: [ Tentatively. ] "If Dow ... or Chevron ...were so willing to kill.... If zhe person who trained you to work for Dow ... or Chevron .... did he ....? Is that where you got zhe training to be so good ... at 'in-fighting'? At zhe hand-to-hand that you ... have used to safe guard our team? Would that be why they could feel safe accusing you of murder even if you did not do such?"
Robert: "I guess Dow figured me out soon enough to protect their important information. I'm not sure I got anything valid out. It looked good to Chevron, for a while, though. I think Dow had their own people inside Chevron since right before Chevron came after me, Dow sent their own security to kill me."
Chantal: [ Shivers. ] " It - it is so hard to understand how an - ordinary - legal - corporation could countenance killing. I do not doubt you - but - zhe line blurs between government and corporate and criminal, n'est pas?"
Robert: "I don't know what Dow was planning to do to cover up my death, but I expect they had something in mind."
"I spent a lot of time running and hiding. I had enough connections to find out who was after me and why, but it didn't help me much. I tried to change my identity, but I didn't know anything about it. I found a guy who said he'd get me off-planet if I could pay enough. I figured he'd sell me, but I didn't have much choice, since I was running out of places to run by then. I got the money together, and he was as good as his word."
"I'd spent a lot of time with nothing to do but think, and realized I needed to find honest work. Once I got here, I started looking, but I ran up against the same kind of problems I'd had before. I didn't really know enough chemistry to get a job, and it was too risky with two big companies looking for me. I applied for a space-dock security job, figuring it was low-level enough that my new ID would hold up."
"The ad was a front for Sam and Odd Jobs, of course. They saw through my amateur background easily, but figured it made me a good candidate. After a phony interview they offered me a chance at training and important work. It looked perfect to me, so I was suspicious. Sam told me he'd give me a new identity no one would see through if I came to work for him. He told me straight up that he'd send me back to Chevron or Dow if I screwed up, and he told me he'd be watching for any free-lancing. He told me it was the best offer I was going to get."
Chantal: [ Looks both mischievous and worried.] "I wonder .... It might be a test of how good Sam is ... if .... Ah, I do wonder now just what would be in the dossier my father could get. But, no. Sam did not keep your face from appearing on that wanted poster." [ She subsides.]
Robert: "How could he? It's not a new poster, and Chevron isn't Star Corps. I wish they hadn't sent me to Mars, but that's life."
Chantal: [ Unhappily. ] "I do not know. Perhaps Star Corps could 'clear you' somehow; come up with an explanation that would satisfy both corporations and zhe Law? It seems it is hard enough see what is 'true' in what was going on in that 'corporate espionage', that that might be possible. You are as much a scapegoat as anything, I think."
Robert: "I don't regret it, but I wonder how long it can last. Sooner or later something will go wrong, and someone will find me, or Sam will have to abandon us to avoid official embarrassment. I still remember my real name, but I've been other people for long enough now that I'm not sure I always will."
Chantal: [ murmurs ] "So you are not 'Rhohber'. Ah, well, there is much baggage that can accompany a name. Somewhere you will find a name that fits zhe person you really are, mon ami. [ She looks concerned. ] It took a great deal of fortitude, I think, when you realized that Sam had stuck you with 'Miss Ishida.' Between a rock and a hard place, no? I wonder why he did it. [ Suddenly Chantal bubbles over with amusement and surprise. ] Ah! I have made a pun. Zhe first kanji [Picture Writing; borrowed by the Japanese from the Chinese.] for Ishida means 'rock' and 'chantal' in French can be translated as 'stone lintel'."
[Then she smiles with confidence.] [This girl obviously has a strong faith in Something!] "Perhaps this is part of our purpose as a team: to develop the strengths that can shield you from being 'found out'. We are, after all, expected to be able to cope with things going wrong. Perhaps we should talk with zhe others sometime and figure out what skills we need to better cover, yes?"
Robert: "I am who I am. Robert is more real than anyone else. He's the first one who had something to live for. I'd rather keep being him as long as I can."
Chantal: [Softly] "Then it is Rhohber who I am calling friend, who has given me this trust. I think I am glad to know you, Rhohber."
Chantal: "Should it bother your friend Jacques that I am associated with Chevron?"
Robert: "No. He got out clean before things went ugly. I don't think they ever connected him with any of it, so they won't bother trying to find the body."
[Earnestly; Chantal presses a little closer, perhaps unaware that she is doing so.]
Chantal: "Will you tell me, please: how 'things went ugly'? I - I think I need to better understand."
Robert: [restores some separation by shifting slightly] "When Dow found out I was spying on them, they planted some phony information. I passed it along, and someone important at Chevron lost a lot of money."
[Chantal becomes self-conscious and pulls back a bit herself.]
Chantal: [Her tone is somewhat flustered] "But it was just money. Were you supposed to be able to tell 'planted information' from 'zhe real thing?' Ah, well, perhaps they would think so whether it was possible or not. Did they then fire you? But, no, that would be 'just business' and you said it turned ugly. That does not seem to me to be ordinary business practise. Please, what did happen?"
Robert: "Money, face, power. Probably some of all of them. I couldn't exactly stick around and ask them why they were trying to kill me. I learned enough to know who was after me, but by then Dow was hunting me as well. Starport was as far away as I could get without enough money for starship passage."
Chantal: "So Dow truly wants you for corporate espionage but with someone at Chevron it is more a personal vendetta? And we have added zhe APS and NAF and ... it would seem we are trying to add organized crime. [wry smile] We do not think small, mon ami."
Robert: [obviously sarcastic] "Well at least I don't have to save for retirement..."
Chantal: [gently] " said 'we', Rhohber. [Pause as she scans the territory] It would seem that in running from danger you have chosen yet more danger."
Robert: "Oh yes, all of us. We aren't too likely to die in bed at 100. I chose a dangerous life a long time ago. I ran where I could, and found people who could teach me more about disappearing, and changing identities. I didn't expect to go from motel searches to bombs so quickly. This is more like the movies than I would have thought -- I always figured that ... people like us ... spent a lot more time doing simple boring things."
Chantal: [wry smile which changes into a look of uncertainty] "Boring things do not get one's face on a wanted poster. [slight pause] I - I want you to know that I still think of that wanted poster and - and - that it - it bothers me - a lot."
Robert: "That's what happens when someone gets that much money and power. Get someone like that pissed off at you, and they destroy you any way they can. It's easier to avoid working for vindictive people."
Chantal: [Slowly, thoughtfully] "Do you find working for - Sam? - to - to 'fit zhe bill'?"
Robert: "The same thing could happen here, but so far they haven't tried to kill us for doing what we were told to do." [Takes a good long look at the huts and the water.]
Chantal: [a little sadly] "We may die 'in zhe line of duty' or we could be sacrificed, yes, if some plan goes terribly, terribly wrong. But, no, one would not work for someone who would kill one for doing what they tell us to do. I could not. And if you truly thought so, why would you have joined? [softly] Rhohber, why did you join - if it is not rude in me to ask?"
Robert: "I'd like to say that I wanted to pick a side based on something... higher than money, but it wouldn't be very honest. I chose this because it was a job I could do, and it would help me stay hidden. It's more than that now, but I can't really say how much more. I do like feeling that I'm saving lives --God that's trite! -- but I think there's something I can't define... My life is changing and I can't understand it."
Chantal: [Softly] "I do not think it trite! Why risk your life if not to save others? [Somewhat abashed] No, forgive me. We mean zhe same thing, I think. We spoke - before - of not having time in our - career - to learn ourselves. For me, I think, perhaps, that is not zhe truth. I came to this to find out what Chantal was made of - and to do something to make up for the uselessness of zhe other side of my life."
Robert: "Uselessness and boredom have more to recommend them that I used to think. Excitement and purpose come at a cost they don't show you in the movies..."
Chantal: "And it is finding whether or no that excitement and purpose have a reward that is causing unsettlement in your mind and heart?"
Robert: "Not really. The uncertainty comes from questioning my own unconscious assumptions about myself. The larger issues are the context for those questions. Or maybe that's exactly what you said, and I can't recognize it even when someone else suggests it."
Chantal: [Softly, quoting] "This above all to thine own self be true...."
Robert: "After you've gotten good at living your cover, you begin to be someone else all the time. I feel like I am acting out a role, and then that person is yet another role. I don't really know when it stops."
Chantal: "I do not know either, mon ami. All we can do, I think, is try: try to make zhe time to feel the moment and, simply, be.
Robert: /* Ok! That's it! That's all I can stands, I can't stands no more! */ [For the first time he focuses on her completely.] "Let's make time now." No longer withdrawn, he reaches out to take her into his embrace.
Chantal hesitates almost imperceptibly and then lets the moment sweep her up as well.
/* This is a family show, so if Chantal is cooperative, we'd better... */ [Fade to black]
"On the Beach" copyright 1997 W.Clark & S.Knowles. The contents of this site are copyright 2004 Sheryl A. Knowles unless otherwise specified. All rights reserved.